Dear Awkward Advice,
I have a really awesome, sweet, loving boyfriend. There is only one problem: he’s always rearing to get some action! It’s getting troublesome. While I’m in the shower, doing homework, in the dining hall, and even in the pergola. What are some things I can do to turn him off when I need to do things?
From,
SexStuffed
Dear SexStuffed,
As someone coming from the other side of this problem, I think I have some great advice. The person I’m dating now only wants to get intimate like, once or twice a day. Crazy, right? It’s like she thinks I’m a sex camel! I can’t handle it. However, she does attempt to help me out by doing certain things to cool my jets. For instance, she recites Carrot Top’s stand up routine ad nauseam. It’s almost like she waits until I’m rip-roaring to go, then begins to inform me about the “fascinating” history of the Keebler Company or whatever History Channel special was on the night before. But, her a-bomb in the boudoir, that is guaranteed to turn me off and make me close my legs tighter than a hipster’s jeans is this: She sings Justin Bieber to me at the top of her lungs. Despite The Biebs being the newest lesbian pop culture icon, the sound of those lyrics in that incessantly catchy tune gets me from hot to trot to totally grossed out in 30 seconds flat. Try these things the next time your guy is looking for some loving. *Warning, if the Justin Bieber serenade does still does not dissuade your guy from coming at you, tell him to give you a break and hit up his boyfriend for some loving.
Dear Awkward Advice,
Hi! I have a problem of unrequited love. There is a girl in my chemistry class who is amazing! Smart, beautiful, funny. So many other guys want to court her, and I am afraid they will beat me to it. However, whenever I get close to her I just lose my train of thought! I can’t say anything intelligent at all! In fact, usually when I am around her I just don’t speak. What should I do?
Hopeless Romantic
Dear Hopeless Romantic,
It is perfectly natural for you to get what we call “the heebie-jeebies” before you talk to the girl of your dreams. It’s happened to the best of us. Did you know that George Washington was petrified to talk to Martha Washington before they started dating? It’s true. And then he worked up the courage to say hi. And then he became the first president of theUnited States. See, everything starts with a small step! Awkward Advice suggests to either say a witty pick-up line (“If I was the alphabet, I would put U and I together”) or the very popular “Hey, what a cute shirt!” However, most girls like to see guys who are both in control of the situation and sincere gentlemen at the same time. Hope it all works out!
Dear Awkward Advice,
I am worried about heading home for the holidays. I don’t know if I can spend over a month at home with my sisters and extended family when I am so used to being at school. What should I do?
Holiday Jitters
Dear Jitters,
Don’t worry! Just eat a lot during the holidays and enter a giant food coma. If you do this correctly, the food coma should wear off right when you are supposed to come back to school.
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